And This Is How I Carry On

Natalie — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 07:31:11 +0000

So one of my goals in this thing called Parenting Small Children is to do things for myself whenever I can. I’m acutely aware that children learn the most about how to live their lives by observing their models. Sure, sure, I do stuff for myself so I don’t go nutso living in only one narrow reality of diapers and snot, but when I feel that old guilt trying to tell me that ‘i shouldn’t', for any number of idiotic reasons, I have to remind myself that the less I actually do for myself, the more likely I am to tempted to take on that worn out and bloodied cross called MARTYR, which I’m so so sorry to say ladies and gents, is a card us humans like to hold up and wave around, LOOK AT MEE LOOK AT MEEEE< I SUFFERED SO MUCH FOR YOU, SO YOU COULD HAVE THE BEST BLAH bLAH blah. Hey, not to say I don’t do it, I just try to nip it a bit, so my kids can remember that I tried on different Jesus garb…like his velveteen robes with gold trim that he wore when he sat with the who’es. Kidding, I actually have no idea what he wore when he sat with the who’es, for all I know he could have been in a loin cloth. but i digress.

I just took two months of acting class after more than a year of not training. That was a lot of time off training. Most actors I know train and train and train and train some more, it’s constant learning, constant evolution. I really missed the work, and at first I was, like: What the hell am i doing here, I’m exhausted, this is lots of work, why do i need to add to my workload. But then after I started working and getting into the imaginative world that acting is, and connecting it to the feelings inside of me and seeing other actors push themselves in very vulnerable and courageous ways, I realized yet again, that it’s just what I need to keep me going. It’s a craft unlike any other, and it’s all about learning more and more about me and somehow meshing it with the life of a character. It’s an indescribable feeling, when I’m on.

Having Lula is what pushed me to pursue acting, actually. I know some people feel like their kids forced them to push away their dreams, but for me, my kids pushed me towards them. This is how they push me, the little rugrats, they push me to be more honest with myself, and honest with what I know to be true, not because I heard it, or it’s the latest research, but because I feel it right inside of me. And if I’m honest with myself, I know that kids learn one of two major ideas from their early childhood and then hopefully, they figure out that they get to choose: It’s safe out there to do what you want to do and you can do anything you set your mind to do. And the other path, is : It’s not safe out there for these reasons, and that justifies why blending in is better than stickin’ your neck out. I experienced the latter when I was a child and I choose to model to my kids the former, because IT’S WAY MORE FUN.

Three Wobbly Steps, One Giant Leap for Max kind

Max took his first three steps today!!!! It was in our chiropractor’s office, she put him down in his sturdy green converse and let him go… Three wobbly steps forward and I did a double take, and hi-fived Shamira. He did it again for her, like another two steps, outside in the hallway. Then when I tried to get him to walk, he went completely limp like, NO WOMAN, YOU’RE MY DONKEY, i don’t walk for you.

Life as Art » Inspiration

And This Is How I Carry On